BIZWORTH & FIVEPOINTOH JOIN FORCES TO UNIFY THE BUSINESS WORLD
GUNGA DE GUNGA (AP) - Eccentric researcher and philanthropist,
Sir Newton Bizworth held a parade in honor of new expedition FileMaker
leader, Dr. Fivepointoh, who discovered Gold
while teaching natives how to better communicate via his new African
"WEB-weaving" techniques. Filemakers from all over the Gunga basin
came out for the celebration. Sir Newton also highlighted the occasion
with the release of his latest business templates, BIZ Basics, that
compliment the skills and expertise of Filemakers worldwide. ---------
Bizworth, who is on a life-long expedition in search of Filemakers
worldwide, says, "I am so impressed with the fraternal feeling among
Filemakers, that I am passionate about continuing my travels to
every remote area until we convince the entire world that we have
an easier way of getting biziness accomplished. I developed BIZ
Basics to help people get their office work done more efficiently."
With the help of Filemakers, BIZ Basics manages inventory, customer
contacts, invoicing, purchasing, bean accounting and more.
Man of the year, Dr. Fivepointoh added, "Now, everyone can weave
their own WEB and share the same FileMaker relationships around
the globe. Throughout the Windows of time there has never been a
bigger office breakthrough which crosses popular platforms and language
barriers."
This exciting new jungle technology has Gunga clamoring for these
scarce new expedition tools. A new conditional scripting language
is emerging thanks to these daring innovators. Even Clarisa and
Appleoosa, daughters of the late famous FileMaker, Twopointwon,
have joined this latest expedition in their hopes to follow in their
forefather's footsteps. Few have gone where these brave teams have
ventured. Often carrying only canteen, map and machete the team
continues to forge through the business jungles of Africa on their
trek to reach every living FileMaker.
FileMaker & Expedition Log Recovered
By correspondent: P.C. Board
Gunga de Gunga, AFRICA (AP) - Earlier today, former Expedition
Team leader Mac Torey was rescued and brought back to Gunga after
a year long search. An old expedition map and lost pages from
the original hand-typed Bizworth Expedition log, which Torey later
recovered from a fallen mine shaft, were also recovered. This
original log and its findings had been feared lost forever when
team member Mac Torey was officially declared as "missing" last
year. Sir Newton Bizworth was exhuberant over the rescue of his
favorite old comrade, who is now undergoing tests at a nearby
hospital camp.
Rumor has it that Torey, who was thought to have been captured
by unfriendly natives, was actually injured in a mine shaft explosion
last year while trying to uncover a FileMaker secret. As lady
luck would have it, Mac Torey was found and captured by a friendly
and sophisticated tribe of Amazon FileMakers who enjoyed sharing
their own scripting secrets in exchange for learning what Mac
had to offer them. Torey is said to have spent his months of captivity
teaching and inventing new ways to make these FileMakers more
productive. The outcome was terrific and should benefit FileMakers
worldwide in months to come, as Mac rejoins the expedition team.
It is believed that the results of Dr. Fivepointoh's Gold
discovery is based on these earlier Torey findings near the
beautiful Amazons.
Although much of the Log contents remain under lock and key,
Sir Newton offered his permission to print the following excerpts
from this now famous document. Log observation #64 reads, "The
natives here in Gunga are fascinated with gathering and storing
information. It has always been my hypothesis that those who organize
and retrieve information most efficiently, hold all the power.
Even here it holds true. Each village delegates this task to their
highly revered "FileMakers", who are truly the most influential
village leaders. Similar in stature to the old medicine man, these
modern day heroes hold the keys to all trading and communication.
My expedition team affectionately refer to the most elite of these
powerful sorts as FileMaker "pros". I hope to continue my expedition,
though far from my homeland, to help these incredible FileMakers
FIND innovative new ways to make life a little simpler. I believe
FileMakers are a growing breed that will sweep the world someday.
Fifty years from now, I predict the world will be full of FileMaker
pros. In the meantime, my mission is to search the streets of
the world for each of them and somehow FIND simple ways to help
them realize their dreams."
Torey will be released tomorrow morning and a town-wide expedition
celebration is planned. All are invited to the main town tent
beginning at sundown. See you there.
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BIZ - 50 Years Ahead of his Time
LOS ANGELES, USA (AP) -
A native Biz Wiz consultant, was recently quoted as saying, "Through his alliance with Filemakers worldwide, Sir Newton Bizworth has created innovative office tools that may not be truly appreciated for 50 years. This latest version has turned BIZ into a genuine work horse for the business market."
Bizworth's innovation combines ease of use with sophisticated business tools. His vision is for small groups of workers to combine their efforts to achieve interoffice goals; multiple tasks being handled and managed by one integrated system. The new BIZ Basics continues to ship worldwide. Distribution has been handed over to Working Solutionz Software who remains one of the largest and most active companies in the FileMaker solutions arena.
Products & Demos
Apples In Season Again!
A new crop of Macintoshes are ready for shipment. "It should
prove to be an interesting season for our new PowerPC hybrid",
say new Apple orchard growers. With the competition looming from other
top orchards, they hope to take advantage of the continuing changes
in the jungle climate.
LOCAL WEATHER
Today, continued pleasant temperatures, high humidity, with sunny skies. The weekend Gunga festival will be held as planned barring any unforseen monsoons or torrential downpours. The rain forests were unusually calm and continue to offer the best of this season's weather. Weather Tip: Remember to carry your rain slicker at all times.
Jungle Classifieds
GUNGA -
Expedition team members wanted! Become an avid FileMaker today and learn to be all that you can be in the local business jungle. Must have desire to embrace new technology and should have no fear of wild animals, long hours and the mightiest acts of God. Otherwise, no experience necessary.
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